The Only Thing To Fear Is Fear Itself.

Well I've done it. I have overcome the first hurdle and I am now in Amsterdam awaiting my onward flight to Quito. I shared the most pleasant of company on the flight from Glasgow with two Greek ladies (the daughter of the group had just been to Glasgow University for her PhD interview).

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. They have just announced a flight to Gatwick, and I want to go home. The truth is I never wanted to leave ever again. It was so comfortable and safe at home yet I know that I had no option but to get back on the project as soon as possible or my fears would eat away at me.

It is immaterial what was stolen from me. The key point is that the muggers stole my security, my feeling of safety, indeed my self-belief. I know in my heart of hearts that I will enjoy the remainder of the year and that I will meet many fascinating people and that I will be all the richer as a person for the experience. Yet all the rational/logical arguments in the world can't kill my fears.

Even before the attack I was realising that 14 months of travel is a long time. The reality is not the fast paced edited highlights of a BBC documentary enjoyed from the comfort of your armchair. It is life with all its highs and lows.

Before the attack, and even more so since, I don't like life in Ecuador. But this is only one mans' opinion and I would be the first to praise the countries natural beauty. Never in my life have I travelled anywhere and not wanted to return. This is the case with Ecuador, but I would qualify this by saying that I always seek to understand a country and as students of our global environment you too should seek to understand both why I might not like this country and the causes that are the seeds of the problems that form the base of my discomfort.

Tuesday 26th September 2006. Quito, Ecuador.

Impressionism and expressionism lie in the way we see. My impressions of Ecuador will be very different to those of people who view the same situations through different eyes. Likewise I will express my impressions in a way that is unique to me and it must be said that these are coloured by my personal experiences and in this I recognise my bias.

This is one of the times in life that you have to go and do 'it' on your own. No-one else can face my fears. In reality I am facing one of those rare experiences where one gets the opportunity to "find yourself". My dear friend Ann told me before my original departure that I would return a changed man altered in ways as yet unknown.

Facing the consequences of my mugging and assault gives me the opportunity to test my strengths, to get back up from the knock and go forward; or I could let it defeat me. I have had a great deal of support, in particular from my family and a few very close friends, but you can lean on no-one else when life sends you hurdles like these. Your only option is to jump the fence.

We all know that life is never better than when we are walking the straight path. Yet life has a habit of throwing unexpected turns in the road. When this happens you are actually being given an opportunity. Invariably it takes time to realise this, but you must recognise the potential for growth if you are to turn the curve sensibly and return to the straight and narrow enlightened by your experiences.

Whatever the follies of my project thus far, it cannot be in the interests of me or my students for fear to prevail. Indeed, it is not ignoble for me to cling to the hope that many people can learn from my experiences. After all, education is a way of building bridges to moderate the poverty and isolation that can lead to such violence (as inflicted on me by my attackers)that all too often characterises the Western view of South America. The whole point of this project lies in my aspiration to share the prosperity and opportunities of the 21st century through education.

In a way that robbery was the best thing that could have happened to me. It let me go home, share time with my family and find out just how marvellous they really are.

Life is all about timing. Sometimes you are in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I am beginning to realise that no matter what life throws at you, you must never miss the opportunity to spread your wings and soar.

Despite having stayed in my hotel all day today (mainly due to fear) I met with a driver (I had worked with on my earlier visit) in the hotel lobby tonight. It filled me with pride that he was amazed I had returned and that he said that many people would claim that they would get back on their project but it takes some strength to be back so soon.

You need to be a bit crazy to quit your job and set off touring South America. I am back because I am an adventurer at heart and education is what I do, and love, after all.

Quito though is a capital city. It is relatively modern and I know I am safe. That said, my fears were compounded during the night. I awoke around 3am to hear screams from the street below. Moving nervously to the window (one wall of my room is a full plate glass window) I could see over the low lying block in front that a skirmish was taking place a street away. The police arrived moments later but the assailants had fled. My sleep was again disturbed around 4.30 am to the sound of a car alarm and approaching the window I got to see some joyriders steal a vehicle. But this could be Liverpool or Manchester and I need to get things into perspective.

Wednesday 27th September 2006. Quito, Ecuador.

Up with the lark and down for breakfast. I intend to venture out today. I have flights to book to allow me to move on from Ecuador and I have a blog to write. Most importantly, I need to re-join civilisation.

On retuning to my room my door is ajar. Nothing appears to be missing and I can only assume that the cleaner has forgotten to close it. You cannot allow paranoia to set in.

I did venture out today to book flights to get me back on to the project route in Lima. I will update you when I know exactly what is happening between the end of the Galapagos tour and my joining Markham College in Lima.

The cost of this attack keeps mounting and it was another $600 today for flights...and trust me that was a good deal. Anyway, I still need to get accommodations sorted etc, so this is turning into a real adventure.

Due to my fears at night I decided to go and eat a very large lunch late in the afternoon. It is such a shame I am in Quito for 3 days and staying in my hotel.



Hi Will,

I am glad to hear that you are going on with your life. I know it is easy
for us to say take it easy and don't worry about it - but always
remember life goes on and it is short - so a bit of advise - only try to
remember the good things in everthing you do and anywhere you go.

Remember the good times we had on our trip - and always be cautious!

May your angels always be with you.

take care & be well,
Carmen

Thursday 28th September 2006. Quito, Ecuador.

Things just keep getting better in tourist unfriendly Ecuador. Despite having quoted me a price both on the telephone and via e-mail, my hotel are now doubling the price as I attempt to settle my bill.

The good thing about this debacle is that I am getting back a little to my old self. I argued my case and we finally got the matter settled at the original price.

I have even had the courage to take a walk around the vicinity and did not fear for my every move. I dined at a cheap and cheerful Indian restaurant where I met and shared conversation with a delightful young man called Adam who heads back to blighty and university next week.