Saturday 10th February 2007. Darwin to Melbourne, Victoria.

I had a night flight down to Melbourne where I met up again with my old mucker Tom who is now in his second year at Melbourne University. For the next few days I am staying with Tom in Parkville.

I started my day in Melbourne on the tram when Tom and I headed up to have a look at the university campus. Into town and it is a Melbourne must when we take a historic tram ride on the free city loop tram. They use a W class tram of the type that first appeared on Melbourne's streets in 1936 for this tourist trip.

I am again dipping my toes back into work after having had a few relaxing days with my mates in Darwin.

We pass sites such as the Welsh Church on La Trobe which is a Calvinist church where the services are still conducted in Welsh. Along the harbourfront in the docklands we saw sculptures like Cow Up A Tree by John Kelly. My only issue with developments like this is that every city around the world now has "copy cat" projects based on the original concept of re-vitalising London's Docklands...but it is all contributing to the world being samey. Number 2 Goods Shed is part of the historic sheds area of the docklands and was, in its day, the longest rail shed in the southern hemisphere.

It is interesting sitting here on the tram and listening to the South African and English tourists around me...who the hell was Captain Cook, I thought he was a cartoon character?...and when we get to the Old Treasury Building (now home to the City Museum) they made jokes about the exterior exhibit 'Swim Between the Flags' which they failed to understand was actually a celebration of the 100th anniversary of Surf Life Saving Clubs in Australia (the first being established at Bondi Beach in 1907).

The Old Treasury Building is rightly considered to be one of the finest colonial buildings in all of Australia...and talking of fine buildings the opulence of the exterior of the State Parliament House has to be seen to be believed.

Our first main port of call is the Queen Victoria Market which is riddled with locals and their little trolley's. This area began life with the construction of a meat market in 1868. In 1877 the City Council acquired part of the old Melbourne General Cemetery and built the first produce sheds. In 1884, William Salway designed a new front for the meat market and the Elizabeth Street shops. Extended in 1887 and 1936 this is the last of the former markets that were located in Central Melbourne.

Ecuador refuses to leave me alone and as I wander the market I recognise some traditional South American folk singing. The last time I heard this performance was in South America and now I am hearing it here from the Ecuadorian band who are performing.

On now to Melbourne's oldest arcade, the Royal Arcade where the two seven foot giants have been striking the time on the Gaunt's clock since 1892. Carved from clear pine and modelled on the figures erected at the Guildhall in London in 1708, the figures symbolise the ancient Britons and the Trojan invaders. Mythology has it that Gog and Magog (also known as Corineus and Gogmagog) having been captured in battle by the Trojans were made to serve as porters at the gateway of an ancient palace on a site later occupied by the Guildhall. It is traditional for Gog to stand to the north and Magog to the south. It is just as well that the clock was at totally the wrong time as we got to hear it chime.

Now for tea and it has to be the Hopetoun Tearooms in the victorian splendour of the Block Arcade, a Melbourne institution since 1892. The history of the tearooms is fascinating with the Block Arcade site originally being a bulk grain store that was sold in 1837 for the princely sum of £18. Taken over in the late 19th century by George and George, Silk Mercers and General Drapers; this was the site of one of Melbourne's most prestigious stores until a spectacular fire in 1889 raised the building to the ground. The present arcade was officially opened in 1893.

From 1893 to 1907 the Victorian Ladies' Work Association ran a small tearoom. When the association was disbanded the tearooms continued under the Hopetoun name, being named after the Ladies' Work Association founder Lady Hopetoun.

Lunch is at Hells Kitchen in one of the many trendy back alleys of the city centre before we head to another Melbourne institution, Young and Jackson's where we enjoy an appropriately named Naked Ale. Young and Jackson's Hotel is famed for the Queen of the Bar Room, Chloe.

The land on which the pub stands is linked with the very birth of Melbourne. Purchased by John Batman (Melbourne's Founder) at the first Crown Land Sale on November 1st 1837 the site was where Batman built a house for his children and their governess, Mrs Cook. After Batman died, Mrs Cook continued to run a school (Melbourne's first) on the site until 1851.

On July 1st 1861 the Princes Bridge Hotel opened with John P. Toohey as licensee. Toohey, along with his brother were later to establish the Standard Brewery in Sydney, home to the famous Toohey brand of beers.

It was in 1909 that the scandalous work of art Chloe came to the hotel. Since that time Chloe has been a fixture of Young and Jacksons with the two inextricably linked with Melbourne and its heritage. As they say, Chloe has farewelled countless diggers to war, welcomed returned servicemen with open arms and embraced generations of Melbourne drinkers.

Chloe immortalises a young Parisian model named Marie who was roughly 19 years old when she was painted by Jules Joseph Lefebvre. As in all the best tragedies, Marie died two years later after throwing a party for her friends at which she boiled a soup of poisonous matches and then drank the concoction. Legend has it that she committed suicide due to unrequited love.

The painting debuted in Paris in 1875 where it won a gold medal and acclaim from the Paris Salon judges as well as critics and the public. On travelling exhibition she was a success in both Sydney and Adelaide. However when she was displayed in Victoria at the galleries new opening time of Sunday there was a scandal. So much correspondence was received by The Argus newspaper that it dedicated a column to Chloe.

Since coming to Young and Jackson's Chloe has gained the names Mistress of the Soldiers (witnessing world and regional wars); Queen of the Bar Room (watching over depression and boom, immigration and the changing face of not only Australia but the world)...and all the best political debates are held over a drink or two...aren't they??

To many young men she was the only naked woman they ever saw (on their way particularly to the first world war) and so to many she is the Naked Nymphe. A picture of innocence, tragedy and beauty she is a metaphor for the world.

From here I take in the architecture of Flinders Street Station and trust me you could easily be in Blighty!

Tonight I am to accompany Tom to Gay Shame. This weekend is the ending of the Midsumma Festival and Tom has played an active role as a performer at this Gay and Lesbian fixture on the Melbourne social calendar.

Gay Shame is the final night party and the idea is to turn political correctness on its head. People are encouraged to get back into the closet and shame their own outings. It is a brilliant idea to reel against the politically correct madness in the world but I have to say that there were so many stereotypical queens at this party...totally in love with themselves and their image and with nothing deeper to offer their community than their sexuality. From here we attended the after after party at The Peel and I was exhausted when we got home!